I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
