i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
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Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
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My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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