All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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