I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
