My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
