got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Randomize
