mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
