In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
