Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
