whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
