38 yer olds are good kisserssss
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
