ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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