Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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