Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
