I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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