My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
