Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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