is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
