Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
