i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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