Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
i out mim tonsoeep
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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