the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
