Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
