I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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