you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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