i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
sarcasm needs its own font
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
