My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
