So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
