i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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