This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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