Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Your penis caused this!
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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