I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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