She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
