He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
