Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
