He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
