Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
