totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
