Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Just pee around me
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
