i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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