Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
