the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Houston, we have a squirter
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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