someone get that fucking seahorse.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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