cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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