Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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