dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
