Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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