I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
