He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
