Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
