I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
