ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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