I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
