Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
