I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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