I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
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