And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
