I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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