Betty ford says i'm here all night
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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