with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize