if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
