dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
